Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
