I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
