I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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