you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
