I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
