I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
