My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
