so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
farters have to be the big spoon...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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