sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
