Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
