I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
