dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
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