dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm passing your future prison.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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