I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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