i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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