You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
