I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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