names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
