just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
