I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
