Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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