I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This girl is more easily done than said...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
