i think my tv is drunk
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
