Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
