I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
