dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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