i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
