dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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