Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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