the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
