she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
