saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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