We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How does one acquire holy water?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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