i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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