That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My cat gives me a boner
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
