so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
