Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
