he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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