if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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