I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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