finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
