she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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