this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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