i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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