He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
