Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
