There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
