one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
