I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
