My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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