yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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