chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
