I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
