I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
