So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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