i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
