Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
