I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
