Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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