My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
