Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
