gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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