you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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