Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
