What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
