He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
