turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
