you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
