K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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