i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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