ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
