...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's shark week go big or go home
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
