Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
