Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
