I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
