Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
