The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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