so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
