And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
