Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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